OMG FANFICTION PARODIES LOLOL
by writingsromeo
Summary: A multi-chapter parody of different ships in different scenarios! Please review and let me know which pairing/scenario you would like to see next! Please note that a lot of fics aren't like these parodies and this is not meant to be taken seriously. Just for laughs!
1. Bade Pregnancy Story

**Hey guys! This story is going to be a parody of stereotypical fanfictions with different pairings and scenarios. I don't mea. To offend anyone with these; they're just for laughs and model ****some ****of the stories I've seen here. I take requests, too! Feel free to leave a review and tell me which pairing or scenario you'd like to see next. **

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Bade Pregnancy

Beck and Jade are sleeping when OMG Jade screams! 'Beck my water broke oh no!' Beck screams too and leaps out of bed, flying through the air like a magic pony! 'SHIT ON A STICK! IT'S COMING EARLY?!'

They get into the car and drive 200million mph, breaking every single law ever passed! But don't worry, THAT'S OKAY because no one else is on the road! When suddenly! OMFG! They slip on some ice that appeared miraculously and go OUT OF CONTROL! The suspense kills everyone, because we all know that the author will kill Beck and Jade in the second paragraph of a fic! Ahh!

The car SKIDS across the highway and CRASH! It crashes into a huge steamroller because the author pays no attention to the fact that 'no cars were on the road!' Beck and Jade scream and PASS OUT OMFG THIS IS HORRIBLE! The last thing they hear (even though they've already fainted) is the sounds of an ambulance! Because everyone knows that ambulances appear out if nowhere 3 seconds after a car crash happens!

(Line break that a lot of people have no idea how to use! Yay!)

Jades POV hooray!

OMG I hate my life this is horrible! All I see is black and I can't move! I hear doctors all around me but IDK WHAT THEY'RE DOING HELP ME! Where's my love, Beckett James Oliver the 3rd? Oh dear this is bad.

WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY CHILD SHIT

Beck's POV

Even though I am portrayed as an emotionless robot on the show, I suddenly am leaping out of orbit with worry about my unborn child and my wife! (Wait, they're married?) Even though I was driving the car that hit the huge steamroller, I am perfectly fine! It's Jade I'm worried about!

'Beckett?' the doctor called. 'We have to talk to you about your wife and child.'

Why does everyone call me Beckett? My name is BECK!

I follow the nameless, genderless doctor into a clean white room! There is no furniture besides a desk. There is a gorgeous window in the corner with a lake view. The lake is an aquamarine color and has many tiny little fishies swimming in the shallows. The window was about 2 feet wide and 70 feet long. (Since the author hasn't described anything else in detail, he or she decides to describe a room that has no point in the story.)

Oh yeah, back to the actual plot line! The doctor tells me, 'Jade had her baby a few seconds ago! She was only in labor for a minute or so. The baby is a BOUNCING BABY GIRL YAY CONGRATS! She's fine even though she had a car accident moments before birth! The baby is 20 pounds 30 ounces and 50 inches long! Even though she was premature! Oh btw she was in a coma but EVERYTHING'S ALL GOOD NOW!' (AN- lolz guise sry ik notin bout pregnacys or babys and cooodnt b bothrd to google anythng!)

I jumped for joy and leaped into Jade's hospital room to celebrate with her! She was holding our baby girl who was like super adorable! Jade put the baby down on the floor to give me a large hug and a SUPER PASSIONATE KISS! We continued until our nameless baby cried because she was tired and hungry and bored and needed her diaper changed! Our baby screamed her first word and sentence only an hour after birth! She said 'Mommy like pwease stop making out with daddy and get over here to come change me!'

We stared into each others eyes that were filled with joy and love, even though our baby had pretty much just been a jerk to us. Still ignoring the baby, I whispered to Jade, 'What are we naming this precious adorable angelic cherub of a child?' She replied, 'Definitely a stereotypical name of a gemstone like Ruby or Pearl or Opal, because then they can match my name! Original, eh?' I replied, 'Sure, but don't say eh. I'm the Canadian in this family.'

We went home without signing release papers and ran off to start our own family!

No one's POV

...

Jade's POV (10 years later)

Our baby is all grown up and adorable and our family is perfect! Yay!

AN- lol guise thx for reeding my stori! Sry if it's a TEENY bit OOC! And if sum of da facts r rong cuz idk much about babys lolz! Ttyl yo plz read (bcuz u haven't alrdy) and REVIEW!

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**Haha so that's that! Please review with the pairing and/or scenario that you would like me to write next! This WILL be a multi-chapter fic! Until next time- bye!**


	2. Bori Love Story (feat Jade the Bitch)

**Hey! So, this chapter is going to be a stereotypical Bori (Beck and Tori) story. I know some fanfictions aren't like this but this is what I've seen. I don't mean to offend anyone, blah blah blah and all that stuff. Oh yeah, and sadly I don't own Victorious. Warning- this chapter has a lot of bad language!**

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Tori's POV

I skipped into school on this gorgeous Monday and I was soooooo happy because I'm optimistic and amazing and sexy too! As I frolicked through the doors and to my locker, something caught my eye. Beck and Jade were making out in front of Jade's locker!

Since this is a rare occurrence here at my school and Beck and Jade have ONLY been dating for multiple years, I was SUPER SHOCKED! And sad too, because Beck is such a sex god and deserves, like, SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN JADE! OMFG, he totes deserves someone like me!

However, since I am apparently bipolar I began to cry. Beck would never like me! I'm too nice and sweet and hot! He only likes ugly bitches like Jade, who are hideous and mean to everyone and thoughtless and heartless. I continue sobbing in the corner until the bell rings. This does not faze me, because here at Hollywood Arts we never go to any class besides Sikowitz's class.

Suddenly, I hear Beck and Jade arguing. This is also a rare occurrence so I decide to butt into their business and "fix" them! Because OMG I'm like totally perfect and can do anything!

I stand up and the tears mysteriously disappear from my face. I am no longer crying because I realized that EVERYTHING IS PERFECT IN THE LIFE OF TORI VEGA! As I walk over to Beck and Jade, the sound of Jade's screaming gets louder. Since she's a heartless whore, the author decides that Jade has been cheating on Beck. This is obviously in-character for Jade.

"But babe, I love you so much! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME BITCH?" Beck screams.

Jade responds meanly (as always), "BECAUSE I HATE YOU. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO SHOW MY LOVE FOR YOU AND YOU ARE SO MEAN TO ME AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE YOU THE WAY I SHOULD. AND BECAUSE I'M AN GRUNCHY, GANKY CHIZZBOX!"

I walk up to them in my usual optimistic way and say, "Hey guys! Isn't everything so perfectly perfect on this fine, sunny Monday? The birds are chirping, there's a nice breeze...everything is perfect in Tori-land! So, I hear that you guys are having a bit of a quarrel?"

For absolutely NO REASON AT ALL, Jade shouts at me, "TORI GET YOUR HAPPINESS OUT OF MY FACE. YOU ARE ALWAYS SO OPTIMISTIC AND HAPPY AND IT'S TRULY SICKENING. YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK BECK AND I UP WELL GUESS WHAT IT WON'T WORK SO GO AWAY BITCH!"

I am terribly depressed by what Jade says because what she thinks of me really matters to me. Beck states at Jade and says in a British accent, "Jade that was terribly rude. Please apologize to Tori right this very instant."

Jade screams back at him, "NO BECK YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO GO FUCK YOURSELF! I love you babe, lets go to lunch now." (Obviously, a lot of time has passed since this argument started. It has also become known that Jade is bipolar as well).

Beck, in a moment of strength, tells Jade, "NO! I'm tired of you being so mean to Tori. She's not even my girlfriend and I love her more than I love you! It's over."

Jade cries deep heavy black tears of mascara and eyeliner. "BUT BECK I LOVE YOU!"

Beck takes my hand and says, "I said that it's over. I have never shown any signs of loving Tori more than you, but apparently I'm bipolar too! After I go make out with Tori, we should all have a bipolar party!"

"Only if we invite Cat too," Jade demands. She then runs away crying more tears of makeup and blood (she's a heavily-makeuped vampire).

Beck stares into my eyes and my soul melts. His chocolate colored eyes look delicious and I would love to eat them. His tan skin brushes against my LATINA skin and a fire erupts that is so hot I almost spontaneously combust. Luckily, I don't. We then have a heated make out session that was AMAZING. Then the bell rings and it's time to I home, because that exchange took a full school day. Fuck classes! I'll be a stripper!

AN- lolz guise who saw tori fixes beck and jade and cried OMG I'm totes gonna stop writing forevs becuz it waznt obvious at ALL that "bade" or watevs waznt gonna get back togeter. I'm gonna go cry forevs LOLZ byeeeeee

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**I'm probably not going to be updating until a few days after Christmas, so sorry in advance for the wait! I am still taking requests for what pairing/situation you'd like to see me write next. I will try to do everyone's, even if i'ts not immediately. Please review and thanks for reading!**


	3. Futurous Bade! OMFG!

**Hey everyone! I'm sorry that it has been so long since I last updated; I've been really busy! Thanks for your reviews and please continue to leave feedback and suggestions! So this chapter is going to be a 'set in the future' story. A lot of them are out there- everyone grows up and gets married and have kids, blah blah blah. Not all stories are like this- I have read a few that I LOVE. This is just a stereotypical one, not meant to offend and all that. I don't own Victorious!**

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No one's POV

... (Okay everyone, it's not NO ONE'S POV. There would be no story at all if no one was telling it.)

Third Person POV

With no introduction at all, the story begins with Beck having a heart attack. "OMG JADE WE ARE TOTES GONNA BE LATE FOR THE REUNION!" Please note that this is very in-character for Beck. Jade is in the shower and has been for like, 11 hours. No matter that they have a flight leaving in an hour.

Beck flies upstairs and into the bathroom, where Jade is showering in their large expensive fancy amazing shower. It's really easy to get a career in music and acting so Beck and Jade are super rich and famous. Oh yeah, and they also have 1991956821444 kids. That's possible. Oh yeah, back to the RELEVANT storyline.

Jade is still in the shower because girls spend a LOT of time in the shower and have no concept of time management. Even though Beck was frantically telling Jade to hurry up just moments ago, he decides that it's TOTALLY okay to be late for a flight. Airplanes wait for people. He hops in the shower with her (his clothes have disintegrated off of his body and/or have been taken away by a rainbow unicorn) and they have sex. Suddenly, their children all walk into the bathroom (all 1991956821444 of them can fit) and scream, "OMG EW GUYS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT WE NEED TO GO TO THE REUNION!" The kids are the one with the common sense in this story. Beck and Jade are totally cool with their kids seeing them naked together and hop out of the shower. Since Jade doesn't listen to Beck, but she will listen to her toddler aged kids.

They pack all of their suitcases in a super extra extra large van that fits 1991956821446 people and suitcases. It only took them a few minutes to pack all of these suitcases, because that is realistic. They arrive at the airport 2 minutes later by breaking pretty much every single traffic law ever put in place.

They run through the airport, Home Alone-style, and cause a sound that sounds like stampeding elephants. There is no airport security or baggage checking, since they are super famous. Celebrities would NEVER EVER EVER bring anything bad in a plane. Jade wouldn't even bring scissors!

They make it into the plane on time, miraculously, and it takes off instantly. The author has obviously never been on an airplane in their life. The author of this story uses this time to describe each and every one of Beck and Jade's kids IN DETAIL. Their names are Shaniqua, Mozambique, Debravia, Macethiato, Estrellotiate, and other unusual names, because the writer of this story feels the need to be unique. Their personality, likes, dislikes, favorite song, favorite color, favorite animal, favorite person, favorite food, favorite ice cream flavor, what their room looks like, who they get along with, their favorite room in the incredibly large house, their favorite shape, favorite game, favorite season, and favorite brand of maple syrup are all told to the reader in order to make the story seem longer.

After the author is done describing all of this, the plane lands and Jade, Beck, and their kids all get off. They make their way to a taxi to drive them to a hotel. Obviously, all 1991956821446 people fit in a regular sized cab. They get to the hotel, go swimming in the pool, put away their stuff, and eat dinner- in that order, of course!

After they eat dinner, they go to yet another restaurant for the reunion! They haven't seen the others for so long, because best friends immediately drop out of contact after high school. They get to a table and see Sikowitz, who arranged this reunion. Jade squeals, quite in-character, and Beck does a cheerleader jump into the air. They greet Sikowitz until Cat and Robbie show up, married. They only have 20 kids. The same welcome process is given to them until Tori and Andre show up, married of course! The same welcoming process is given to Andre but not Tori! Instead, Jade bitch-slaps Tori across the face and Tori is knocked unconscious. Now the real fun begins! Everyone leaves Tori on the ground and socializes.

The conversations turn into a bragging-festival about how successful everyone is (similar to a bio on twitter). Their kids all hang out and become like SUPER CLOSE BESTIES and they all live happily ever after.

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**I hope everyone liked it! Please continue to leave more suggestions, but keep in mind that there's a small chance of me not doing yours because of lack of inspiration. Please review! Thanks for reading!**


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